2022/09/19
I feel so defeated today. I’m in a long term monogamous relationship but am certainly not ready for children. My period was late for 2 days and I took two tests last night that came back positive. My strings were in place and there was no obvious sign that my IUD had moved. I had an ultrasound and blood test today and am waiting on the results before I book an appointment for a surgical abortion/IUD removal.
When I was studying my film degree I wrote a screenplay about the lack of research in current birth control methods, as well as how awful the side effects can be for a lot of women. How so many women feel that they don’t have options other than to just put up with something that deteriorates their quality of life just so they can have sexual freedom. I can’t even imagine how I would feel living in a country that doesn’t allow abortion. My other concern is the coercive nature and omission of important details/straight up lies that some doctors use when prescribing birth control.
I want to make a documentary about this topic one day, I’m still passionate about it and now that I’m the “1 in 100” who has fallen pregnant at age 20 after doing everything in my power to ensure my first pregnancy is wanted and cherished, I’m going to say my piece.
I realised my partner and I met that we needed at least another 8-10 years before children. So, we took the right precautions and got the copper IUD in July 2021. The hormonal birth control options I had tried before made me suicidal and gain weight/stop seeing progress at gym.
With the copper IUD, my periods were heavy (changing a pad every 2-4 hours) and painful since I got it, as well as irregular. They came every month but varied between day 28-38 which was a drag as someone who likes to work in with their cycle/cycle track. I also noticed an increase in anxiety some months, which could be related to the copper messing with my oestrogen, my holistic doctor said excess copper levels could lead to zinc deficiency and increased anxiety as well which isn’t something mainstream medical professionals would mention.
I also would sometimes have pain during sex with deeper penetration or when anything touched my cervix. I’m quite relieved at the idea of having the IUD removed, I had no idea what a burden it had been until I realised today I don’t need to put up with it anymore.
Anyway, it’s fair to say I’m angry that this method has failed me. Last night was the worst night of my life, I felt suicidal and cried myself to sleep. Knowing that I have to go through an abortion now and knowing that our birth control methods aren’t changing anytime soon under this patriarchal structure. I’m lucky that right now my career is taking off and I’m making decent money to pay for the procedure.
What to do in the future? I don’t know. I won’t be able to be that intimate with my partner again that’s for sure.
Everyone, please research your birth control before hopping on it. Don’t take everything your doctor says as gospel. Seek real stories from real women, read academic studies, read books and learn about your anatomy/hormonal cycles. Most of all, take care of your body and mind. Your hormonal cycle is so intrinsic to your quality of life.
